...there's no such thing

...as true friends, just strangers who stick around til they eventually become family

...as love at first sight. no explanation needed.

...as an easy way out. there will always be casualties.

...as a tooth fairy. the boogie man is real though.

...as bad kids, just bad genetic make up, bad parenting, bad thought process...

...as monogomy. even if just your mind is elsewhere, you're still not all in.

...as good sex. either it's awesome or not worth sweating out your curls.

...as a next time. get it right now.

...as a happily ever after, just a content right now.

...as a foolish purchase when shoes are at stake

...as "kinda gay". don't let me hear you say it. i'll slap you.

...as a burnt bridge. trees grow on both sides of the river. rebuild.

...as total peace as long as you're breathing.

...as ugly people. just individuals with a unique facial composition that take a unique eye to see the beauty...typically a cocked or lazy one.

...as too much laughter.

...as too many orgasms.

...as no worries.

...as an end...

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after midnight jones (conclusion)

each movement so fluid · like waves washing me ashore · where you parallel my legs to the horizon ·  bringing me to tears beneath the stars ·  i miss you before you even arrive · i want to make this last ·  way past midnight · i am anchored to your pleasure · drifting only to muffle your growls · replacing them with my screams · as you paint a portrait so elegant · Rembrandt would be jealous · i’d gladly get lost in the labyrinth of your love’s mystery · and fall unconscious trying to escape ·  never do i wish to wake · but to exist here forever · under your weight · in your arms · on your face · after midnight.

Click here to view the preface to this piece...

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:ambivalence:

It's obvious that I something you • everytime you're near I get all kinds of what-ya-call-it inside • you make me want to scream out in some kind of emotion • your touch makes my skin do this thing • I want you to be like, you know • and I feel a certain way about the fact that you're always around • you're like one of those things that stays for a long time • you know those things that when you first get it you're like 'whoa' • then after you've had it for a while you be like...'whoa' • if you were ever to leave or stay I'd be like 'dude' • I just don't know what I would do • with or without you • I think you might see where I'm probably going with this • it's kind of obvious • because every time you ask me that one question I be like 'it's whatever' • and you be like 'huh' • so then i'm like 'come on now' • if you ever wonder how I feel about you • just think back on that one time when I said or did that one thing that made you stay • or go • the answer will be right in front of you • and i'm sure that I might always something you • know what i'm saying?

One of these days

One of these days · I’m going to puff my chest out · and tell you to go to hell · Get your Timbs out of my closet · your dirty drawers out of my laundry · take my key off your key ring · And speaking of rings · you can keep this cheap ass cubic zirconium of a broken promise · But that summons for child support court  · yea, that’s yours · These fucking headaches · nights up late · all that desperation that followed you through my door · I’m throwing that shit away · with your Sean John jeans · Girbaud shirts and your Coogi short sets · garbage bagging all your baggage and dropping it off at your mammy’s house · All the throwing up from crying so hard from stressing so much from fretting bout us · Nigga I’m done · No more falling to my knees to please you · Walking around the house in boy shorts and clear heel to tease you · En la cocina con yuca y carne para alimentarle · Speaking Spanish to intrigue you · I’mma be done with all that shit · One of these days · When I find the strength to tell you to kiss my ass · I ain’t staying in this house alone for another dusk til dawn · while you run the streets · claiming you in the trap because we gotta eat · So why every time you come through that threshold · your pockets less hold than what you got from me the night before · I’mma tell your cousin and ‘nem that the days of them sleeping on my couch have passed · It goes ass, grass or gas · And I don’t wanna fuck ‘em · I don’t smoke weed · and we ain’t going nowhere · so get the fuck out of here · and you · you might as well follow suit ‘cause ain’t a damn thing but grief left here for you · Truth be told · I should’ve turned running the moment I saw you coming · but that Goose had me buzzing · and as soon as you put your tongue in · I went dumb · year after year · I pretended that you were someone different · Ignoring what my spirit said · my girls hollerin’· That must’ve been some damn good head ‘cause girl that nigga got you stuck · but one of these days · I’mma get the fuck up · pack a bag for me and the baby · take a trip in my Mercedes….one of these days I’mma get a Mercedes · with the money I save on bail · commissary · pregnancy tests · psychiatrists · a few dollars so you can re-up · Yea. One of these days the tide is gonna come in · and wash away all the shit you brung in · and leave my heart cleansed · One of these days.

untitled (snippet)

when that broken record stopped spinning
the song seemed to fade away
the lyrics a vague memory
forgotten at the start of a new day
his face
It recalls memories
Of the ever bittersweet
His touch
Just as deadly
Knocking me right off my feet
The way he devours my soul
As if I were his only nourishment
The way he rocks with me slow
Can't escape the descent
Interactions so clumsy
As if a millennia had gone by
A flood so mighty
Where before all waters had run dry
Kisses drip so sweetly
Like a mouth full of berries
A moment so unreal that i'd dare not tarry
If I blink too fast it may all be a mirage
Images on the wall in an erotic collage
Regrets may come at sunrise
So for now in the dark
Let the friction of our bodies
Light the fickle spark

Classic (snippet from the follow up untitled project)

Come closer as I light my incense
Let this patchouli tickle your third sense
Ares and Eros be our witness
All I need to light the fire is one kiss
Hey Sampson let me be your Delilah
Come close, I want to play in your dreadlocks
Peel my grapes and call me Cleopatra
Let me run my hand over your Caesar
The silhouette of your frame
Ignites an inferno
Lean  physique and perfect ass
Skin the color of espresso
The scent of sandalwood perfumes the air
Infuses with the lemongrass
On my honey flesh bare
I close my eyes
And reach my hand to the rough of your chin
To the hard of your dick
The smooth of your skin
Let my tongue graze your mouth
Your tongue tastes of cloves and wine
When I venture further south
Still tastes of cloves and wine

fright

I plan on being that voice that haunts you


Making it hard for you to sleep peacefully

That weeping face that you see

Every time you decide to rest your eyes



I want to be what hurts you

The thought that makes you mad

The wilted heartbeat

The sight that makes you sad



I want to be your bad dream

And your regret

That anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach



I want to be that sour taste in the back of your throat



Want to be your demise

Your eerie full moon



Let me be your torment

Waking up from a nightmare

Suppressing a scream

You jolt awake just in time to witness my silhouette

As I exit wistfully



You can search and sift and seek

But I can never be found



Because I’m just that voice that haunts you

That face that taunts you

I am those crying eyes that make it hard for you to see



Me

The she that makes you afraid of the dark



I’m dying to be your frightening mystery

Your nightmare

Your terror



I want to be

Pussycat Secrets (unfinished. indefinitely.)

Black cat say perched upon my window sill
Blew the smoke in his face, yet he remained still
Stared deep into my thoughts with those haunting green eyes
I heard him whisper in my mind, the tale of my demise
Like the raven at the door chanting nevermore
Black cat echoes the pains of a hustler's former whore
The life lived before enlightenment continues to peer through my window
Skeleton bones will always clatter in the closet wherever I go
The horse of a different color is still the ass that hauls the load
Even though her mane has changed from Satan's red to halo gold
And the black cat will know my secrets even when back to hell it's sent
Never silenced even when it's buried with the sins in the basement...

wanton embrace (snippet)

His eyes are so inviting
Like the call of black satin sheets
A body virile and arrogant
In a humble man's mind
Tonight I'll be his Cleopatra
Queen of his untamed river
Guardian of his shameless desert
His gilded seductress
If only for one night
That's my nectar on his lips
My enigma on his mind
His attention is mine
And I hold it between my thighs
Using my tongue in expert calligraphy
To scribble poems across his chest
Then further to where I'll leave
A verse never ending
A rhyme that will stay on his mind
For days

chaos

They couldn't see the walls because they were staring through the windows. But oh, my angels, one cannot mistake the cold slap of concrete when veracity suddenly reveals herself.

The high altitude of imagination always have her a nosebleed. She continued to climb in hopes that one day she could touch a star. I suppose no one ever told her that stars are far too hot to grasp.

Seemingly content on slumming, he relishes in the uncertainty that the gutter held. Like a cracker jack box, he never knew what prize was waiting...and once he got it he realized he didn't even want it. Ain't that the way it always goes.

Fragments of forever reveal themselves into dreams deferred. Listen close when I sing, my loves: life cannot be planned just because you have a ledger. If time has taught you anything, it is that our feeble little schemes have not a place in the greater tapestry. Don't dare tug a single thread or else your diluted illusions of existence will unravel right before those somnolent eyes.

They found that they knew nothing. They realized that they believed everything. That happy medium is only achieved at death. Damn, whoever said ignorance is bliss must have been breathing outside himself.

Chaos, my children. Chaos.

Can I clarify something? I am a firm believer in doing what you love. I love to write. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach like i'm anticipating the drop on a roller coaster everytime I get inspired to scribble something. Getting tingly just thinking about it! I also belive in sharing your gift, your passion. That's what i'm doing with this project. And I am not a modest one so yes, I think i'm kind of decent with the pen. :)

Dork moment? 4th grade I got Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. At that moment, 9 years old, I knew poetry was my thing! It was fun, it was sad, it was silly. It did something to my little psyche. By the time I hit 7th grade I'd grown an affinity for the great Maya Angelou, Langston Hughes, Nikki Giovanni. When I found out there was poetry in the bible...Jesus! Song of Solomon...so beautiful. How could I not fall in love with expressing myself this way? Poetry keeps me from crying, fighting, destroying property. Lol. It makes me smile, makes me hot. I think you get the idea. If not, scroll down and read 'like this'!

Excerpts tomorrow. Eyes and minds open.

♡: Jai-Marie

The day she died (snippet)

She died that day.
The day ridicule say next to her in a filthy bus station marked 'crossroads'
She and chastity went their separate ways
And she was abandoned by self worth
Her reflection laughed in her face and refused to look her in the eyes
She was bound to herself by cuffs of shame
Feathers of desire weighed heavily on her being
And eroded away all resources of opposition
Yet she could have turned around
Retreated
Armorless but not quite defeated
Instead she surrendered
Cowardice ate at her gut
Ate a whole through what was left of her sustenance
And still she hid her impurities

like this (snippet)

...words can't capture the image of how high I get
Every time we groove like this
We sway so smooth and it comes so easy
I want to do it again
And again
Until i'm no longer breathing
Until my hands are blistered and my soul is seething
Until the acid rains
And the dead feel pain
And the living learn what compassion is
Until my enemies drown in my tears
Until she gets hard
And he gets wet
DAMN
Can't you see how high I get?
It's the allure of the blue-black ink
The opportunity to share profound thoughts that I think
Or the dumb shit the nonsense
The sad stuff the happiness
The orgasms the soul spasms
The random words
The cries unheard
The mushy shit the hissy fits
DAMN
Can't you see how high I get
Every time my pen and paper fuck like this?

after midnight jones (unfinished)

i get drunk off the potency me · lingering on your lips · inspiration comes in sync with my cries · i want to ride this vessel into unconsciousness · you got me stuck on some after midnight jones · you shine in the moonlight · i see you clearly in the dark · i mark a trail with my tongue · from the start of your moans · to the finish of your thundering finale · you drown me in pleasures unheard of · after midnight · i am pliable to your yearning · a contortionist of carnal expertise · the way i mold to fit you · grip you like a vice · control your eruption · the way i control my limbs · six feet of red clay for you to sculpt into a masterpiece · until I become the artist’s rendering · of ecstasy manifested · after midnight ·

Reality (snippet)

When reality comes
She bares no gifts
She invades with her shiftless fiends
The heartbreak and torment
Of the loneliness to follow
Frustation, insanity
Resentment
Sorrow
Reality leaves tear stains
Bloody footsteps in her wake
Broken bottles
Endless flow of cheap vodka
Purgatory state
Strange bedfellows
Faces with no names
Ridicule and loud whispers
Disgust
Shame
Reality came
She destroyed the fantasy
Pissed on the rainbow
Shot the unicorn
Frustration, insanity
...

if i could pray for perfect

If I prayed for perfect
It would be a night equipped with full moon
Brisk October air caressing bare Nubian flesh
Sands adrift on sleepless currents
Arizona nights and Bermuda days
Crushed peppermint leaves
At the bottom of hot chocolate mugs
Silent enemies
One true friend
 
 
If I had the gall to pray for perfect
It would be cultured man
With verse on his tongue
The scent of my happy on his lips
Man with battle scars and king dreams
Spirit everlasting beyond tangible reason
A heart that beat in sync with my breathing
Man with thirst for revolution
Man who would carry my seed if I asked him
 
 
If I had the courage to pray for perfect
It would be child of God
A cherub of wondrous joy
An infant with the soul of Mary Magdalene
Pure of heart beyond the spoils of her mother’s sins
Child have eyes of oracle
She sees disaster a foot
And smiles because she knows she still can
Child make everything feel alright
 
 
If I had the time to pray for perfect
It would be a pen that never ran dry
Bleed inspiration through bruised fingertips
Molds all sour words into epic stratosphere
Scribes in colors of queens of Egypt land
Screams loud from parchment paper
Tells what should rhyme and what should flow
Reassures that this one is a little better than the last
Brings peace to the seers
The hearers
And the doers
Of its words
 
 
If I ever should pray for perfect
My words would simply be this
Give me perfect after sight
Grant me perfect kiss
Let my perfect be mine
Let my faults be lessons
Make my husband just as imperfect
Make my children my blessings
 
 
If I could pray for perfect
I would pray for me.

in the beginning...

First and foremost, I want to thank you for stopping by. Glad you could make it! I would like to warn you: this blog is all about shameless self-promotion. Take a seat and let me explain.

I have been working for quite some time on an idea. A vision, if you will. I am happy to tell you that my vision is ever closer to manifestation. I will be releasing my first self-published book this spring. (yay me!) The piece is tentatively titled "All Grace Aside" and will consist of poems and short stories. Periodically, I will post excerpts and updates on production.

I truly hope you join me on my journey and support me in my endeavors. Expect nothing but great things. That is what I intend to deliver!

Sincerely yours,
Pen Name- Jai Marie